Perkygoff FAQ

1. so, what does it take to be a perkygoff?

        lots of sugar.

        or, optionally, one might simply be a self-deterministic
         and obnoxiously happy little git, dressing all in black
         and all that rubbish and generally presenting oneself
         as a complete paradox when encountering traditional goth
         stereotypes of gloom and morbidity. its been done.

2. who are some famous historical perkygoffs?

        most prominently, salvador dali, though he didnt know it
         at the time. in fact, most surreallists were perkygoffs.
         they wont admit it, but its true. we have the films. no,
         you cant see them. DUH.

        people who *werent* perkygoffs might include: ghengis khan,
         lady bird johnson, *all* the archbishops of canterbury,
         and at least one of the marx brothers (not karl)

3. what do perkygoffs eat?

        bread. fruit. all varieties, in massive quantities. known
         to partake of the "bike messengers breakfast" (espresso
         mocha and a beer), but only in highly secretive and
         ritualistic ceremonies, to which even other perkygoffs
         are denied admittance (unless they come in anyways).
         actually, pretty much known to consume everything in
         sight.

4. are they dangerous? will they harm my small children?

        only dangerous when angered, or when interfered with
         while dancing (quote gina@stanford "OW. OW. OW." repeat
         for 3 weeks, hopping on one foot while holding bruised
         and sprained other foot). the presence of small children
         is actually sometimes welcomed by perkygoffs, though
         this acceptance may change at any given moment, as may
         anything else, for that matter.

5. if a perkygoff falls in the woods, and no-one is around, does
    it make a sound?

        yes. a sound rather like "nirmph!". it makes this sound
         whether or not youre around to hear it, actually. this
         has never been proven to be true.

6. what makes perkygoffs tick?

        clocks. a la the crocodile in "peter pan".

7. do they like artic climates?

        only if kept outside. (the climates, that is)

8. is there any sort of definitive identification marking or
    technique to be used?

        most perkygoffs can do cartwheels. while this in and of
         itself may not be a dead giveaway (as they do not perform
         them constantly), asking a perkygoff to perform a cartwheel
         will, 9 times out of 10, result in said performance. also
         be aware of a general disregard for the appearrance of their
         makeup, and lack of curiousity concerning vampires.

9. is it contagious?

        it is not yet known. if you truly wish to avoid all
         possibility of contamination and totally minimize your
         risks, please stay indoors and mope, and nothing to anyone
         about the grapefruit.

10. what does the pope think?

        one of us! one of us!

i hope this brief message has cleared up some of your conceptions,
 and expanded upon some of your misconceptions. if you have questions,
 please do not hesitate to make up answers for them.

this message has been brought to you by your local perkygoff, and is
 an utter waste of bandwidth.

lurve and eggplant,

-joel 

notagoth.com